While finding out I was pregnant wasn’t a total shock, what made it a gut wrenching feeling for me was because I knew I would have him while Dan was deployed. Deep down inside I knew I wanted another one. It felt like Claire needed a sister/sibling to play with because I had been watching the boys play with each other for the last 3 years. As she got older they included her in some things but mainly they did their “twin thing” and stuck to themselves, would shut the door and tell her to go away because they were playing. My heart would hurt every time I saw them excluding her and it just didn’t feel right. I had always said that 4 was my magic number, the least amount of kids I wanted was 2 but because I felt sort of robbed of the single baby experience, we went with 3. I used to joke with day “Hey, wouldn’t that be funny if I wanted another?” and then I’d laugh while he gave me the death stare. In my head I knew it was a crazy idea, things were already chaotic with 3 kids, how on earth could I manage 4?! Then I would get the idea out of my head, move on and just enjoy what I had. Then Dan would say things like “I want another little girl.” or “Claire needs a little sister or brother.” then we’d laugh and move on. That stuff went on for about a month before low and behold, I was pregnant! With the upcoming deployment I figured since after recruiting duty it’d be a breeze and for the most part, being pregnant would distract me from it all AND the bonus part would be that his birth would come at around the halfway point. I was thinking about the different positives about this. We told our families, were met with shock and awe and lots of “omg Stefanie, you’re going to be busy!” and “you’re a brave woman.”.
My birth plan
My birth plan with this one was pretty much identical to Claire’s. I wanted an all natural birth, little to no interventions, I would see a midwife again and hire a doula. For my other two births I saw civilian doctors because we were on recruiting duty so I was familiar with those practices but this time we were near a military base and I had to be seen at Naval. I was hesitant at first, I did my research about natural births and VBACs at local hospitals and at this particular hospital on base. I was able to see midwives again, I was so happy they had that option to see them for my care and quickly had one I loved. The odd thing i found was that you couldn’t be seen until you were at least 8 weeks along. I wanted to get in early because I felt I was further along than I though. I wasn’t sure if it was because this was my third pregnancy OR I was further along because, I swear guys, I could feel this lil tadpole move around! I got in and it finds out I was further along by 2 weeks and was able to see a midwife a bit sooner. The pregnancy itself was another uneventful one but the main difference this time was that we were team green! I decided to go through with it this time because I had caved with Claire and with some hesitation from Dan, I added in that it would be motivation for me at birth because he’d be gone. That was the best decision I made because it really did get met through it all and it was a fun experience. Not knowing what sex your baby is a fun torture for everyone. Personally it was easier this time because I already had clothes for both sexes, so, why not? The whole pregnancy I was so sure it was a girl, SO SURE. Towards the end I had some 3D ultrasound photos taken to send to Dan as a surprise Christmas present. It was nice to see the baby but once I did, I started doubting my gender prediction.
As the months went by I hired a Doula, we had met a couple of times and we set up our plan. She knew Dan wouldn’t be there and it was a surprise gender birth so we added those things in the plan. Around that time I also decided, after much debate, to hire a birth photographer. Since Dan wasn’t going to be around, we didn’t have many pictures from the last two times, I was going to be alone and it was going to be the last thing on my mind, I though it would be a great thing to do. I had a mini maternity session included but decided to add in a lil family shoot as well to send him. They were difficult to wrangle but we were able to get in some shots.
I’m obsessed with how well the maternity photos turned out, especially the one of me in the gown. I was hesitant at first to wear it but I’m so glad I did!
As December approached I was hoping id be going early or on time. I went to the midwife and things were going great. I ballooned to over 200lbs and was anxiously waiting for labor pains. By the time 39 weeks hit I started to take the EPO, bounce on my birth ball and start to panic a bit about getting close to 42 weeks. Time was ticking, 40 weeks came and went, so did 41. I was done. So over being pregnant, wanting to meet my baby boy and worried about getting too close to 42 weeks so I made the decision to induce. I was scared but I had reassurance from the midwife about the procedure and I went ahead and scheduled it. On the 25th I went in and was started on a low dose of Pitocin while my mom stayed home with the kids (she came to stay for a couple of months).
My doulas arrived after they started the drip at 8 and we started the waiting game. She ended up coming with another doula and boy am I glad she did. It made the whole day go by faster, we all clicked and just laughed the day away with conversations and jokes. I said I was going to laugh this baby out from laughing so hard. Seriously, if you’re on Pitocin just have a comedian come in during that time because it makes the whole process easier. I felt the contractions come, they got stronger and soon the laughs stopped and it became time to focus on the contractions. With Claire I had all back labor and was happy that this time I didn’t! Seriously guys, to me regular labor was NOTHING compared to back labor. Back labor is brutal, now I see the light, now I understand why and now I can fully sympathize with women who say they felt contractions down their legs. Seriously, it’s like a lightening bolt feeling but still, I’ll take that over a knife stabbing sensation in my back any day. If I could have regular labor with all my babies, I’d have more………JOKING!Transition hit around 6 I think, not sure but I stopped staring at the clock. Now, have you heard the saying “You don’t really need to push, your body will do it for you!”? Well let me tell you that’s true! I remember reading about it in an Ina May Gaskins book and was thinking that sounded crazy! I mean, your body, pushing a baby out by itself?! Yup, that’s what happened to me. During the last bit of the transition phase I felt the urge to push. My doula quickly was trying to get the midwife because she could hear me grunting. I thought it was just my body’s way of dealing with the contraction but she said “I think you’re pushing!” and yup, she was right. My body was pushing for me, it was like someone was squeezing my belly while simultaneously pushing down on it.
As soon as she came in I had 2 more pushes and he was out, so about a total of 4 pushes, she got there just in time.
IT WAS A BOY!!!
The next pictures I have are just of me making ugly cry faces Kim K. style haha. I seriously couldn’t believe I had another boy! So many emotions went through me at that moment. Sadness, joy, love, excitement, shock and loneliness. I knew Dan wasn’t there and even though the room was full of people, I was still alone. I got ahold of Dan and shared the news, he was so happy and then as is the lifestyle, we said goodbye and went back to our realities. I cut the cord, which wasn’t as tough as I though it’d be, I played with my placenta and everyone slowly cleared out of the room.
Jacob Henry was born at 8:28pm on 1/25/16 weighing 7lbs 14oz and 20 1/2in long. He was healthy, had a little kitten cry and was born with some pimples on his body. He had some slight bruising on his face from the fast delivery.
The photo below holds a special place in my heart. My nurse was checking on me but this was the moment when everything had hit me. There’s video of me crying after the birth, the feeling I had was just a feeling of OMG. I was really by myself, no family, no husband, just myself and my baby in the post partum room. So to the military wife out there about to give birth to their baby, with no family or husband around, no friends to visit you in the hospital, I am there with you in spirit. All of us who have been in your shoes are. It was the loneliest feeling I’ve ever had and I still feel it to this day. I cried in my PP room, I was exhausted and had no one to talk to besides on the phone. It’s a surreal feeling doing this on your own, it’s lonely but in the end it’s worth it.
This little baby, this lil happy boy helped me get through the deployment, taking care of his older 3 brothers and sister and curb my post partum depression. He makes me smile everyday, love him more each day and thankful every moment I get to spend with him. Life with 4 kids is hectic but right now, in this moment of reflection, it’s all worth it.